there is nothing i hate more than missing people. it SUCKS.
being hungry for someone, craving nothing but their presence. just wanting their life to join yours again, even if only for a minute. sounds real cute...in theory. in reality, shit is like herpes or bad gas--irritating, persistent and prone to sudden, nasty ass outbreaks.
missing people makes me feel crazy: always a little off-balance, a bit out of whack, and slightly out of control. and there's few things i dislike more than feeling like that. it feels like i'm on the edge of spinning out into oblivion and my next move could just be one twirl too many.
shit. ain't. cute.
it might strange, but i really do pride myself on being relatively self-contained. no one runs me but me. (well almost no one--God and my mama naturally get a pass.) sure, other people have a say in what i do. but that's just it: they have a SAY, as in they have to speak to me for their opinion to be counted. but not so with this missing people nonsense. one minute, you're walking along feeling great, whistling and smiling and waving at little kids (even the bad ones you're happy as hell aren't related to you.) and then BAM! you're reeling, just aching and aching all over, all because some stupid color/sound/sight triggered some stupid memory and gave you a glimpse of just how alone you might really be.
so you wait. you count up all your friends and all your family, trying real hard to remember all the people who love you. you breathe deep and hope it passes. and it does: sometimes after minutes, sometimes after days, and sometimes only for moments. but no matter what happens, i'm always left shook.
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